DIARY

HMMMMMMM I dunno what to write. I guess this is just my place to yap as warranted. Also posting my writing, as I do that sometimes. Well, today has been okay. Just been on here, learning how to build a somewhat functioning website. Even if it isnt "all that", I still enjoy it, enjoy seeing things work properly after an hour of troubleshooting. Its like a sense of relief for me. Also worked on some journalling for therapy, which I have on wednesday :p I like my therapist, but sessions can be awkward sometimes. I dont really know how therapys "supposed to be", despite having multiple therapists. I feel like I just ramble on the whole time, about anything, because its the only time in the week that I can. I have it every week, because its nice to just have someone to talk to, thats listening, even if they are getting paid for it lol. I dont know if its helping or not, I guess it is in a sense, because I look forward to it, to get to talk to someone for once. I dont really talk to anyone, which is sad in itself. Dont really have the resources to. I feel like an unemployed bum right now, which I hate. But I hopefully have a job coming my way (fingers crossed). Possibly even two. They would each be part time. I kinda prefer that, it gives me some variety in my work. One would be housekeeping, which I know, sounds horrible, but I like jobs where I can be on my feet and do things. It keeps my mind from wandering, keeps me occupied. Also I can listen to music, since its not like I'm really dealing with guests that much. I do like working with the public though, almost all my jobs where like that. I like putting on a persona, like I'm not me. Like I'm clocking into Retail Associate Simulater and just doing random tasks all day. Obviously at times, when I thought about it, I hated it. But when I'm busy the time goes by fast, I just try to shut my brain off. I dont know, maybe thats not good lol.

But another job I might get, that I REALLY want, is at an animal shelter, working with the cats. Thats almost like a dream come true. I know its a lot of work, but I love animals so much, I always have. I love my cats to death, they are honestly what keeps me from going off the deep end. Without my one babie (Zayn), I dont think I would have motivation to do anything. Hes truly my biggest support in my life. I think that he would want wants best for me, because I know he does. When I have beem too depressed to do anything- house was a mess, just doing nothing all day- his mood changes too. He hid under my bed nearly all day. Now, he sleeps with me every night, wakes me up in the morning, stays in the living room with me most of the day, and we play every night. I guess owners do rub off on their pets. I dont even see him as a pet though, for some reason that doesnt sit right with me. Hes really like my best friend, and I love him so much.